Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
