If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
