Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
