Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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