I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
