I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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