You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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