I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
