i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
