tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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