Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
