After last night, I could never be a politician.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
