90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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