New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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