idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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