he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
