she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
