I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
