just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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