Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
