Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
