did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
