ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
