We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
