I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
