I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
