when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
