I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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