It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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