Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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