Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
