im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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