Jerry, you need to find god
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
