One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
