I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize