I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
