Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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