i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
