You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
