Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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