She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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