The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
