"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
