They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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