Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
