I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
