finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
