Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
where are my eyebrows?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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