I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He passed out mid-signature
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Panties = found
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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