It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
