life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So. Much. Porn.
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