feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
