he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
