I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
