He had one of those small greek statue penises
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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