my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
