Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
