I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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