yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
