im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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