this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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