I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
