dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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