They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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