But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
