remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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