You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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