I hate all girls vehemently.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize