My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
