just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
