This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize