I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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