Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
