nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
