I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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