Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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