Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
this just has baby written all over it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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