saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize