Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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