If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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