After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Randomize
