he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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