My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
