I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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