On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
