My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
