I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
