can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
