Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
