He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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