like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
