I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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