Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
